It’s been 1 month and a half since I left Korea and exactly a month since I came back from my Indochina Trip. I thought that after my trip upon arriving back in KL things will have been more settled and I’ll be sure of my working relationship with my company. But apparently nothing has changed and I’m still in a mess.
Lately I’m frustrated and truth be told there seems to be some bitterness in me against God. To some extend it feels like God is against me and I feel a bit betrayed. Initially my only reason of coming back was because of the work, but in Sep last year when I attended theplan09 camp I thought God was calling me back as well. Thus I had 2 reasons to come back, one for the work and another for God.
However ever since I came back here nothing has gone well. The business is still in a mess. I’ve been meeting new people almost every week but to no avail. I tried to settle down fast so that I can serve in Church but it seems that that’s not God’s plan. In fact, I don’t know what His plan is. He has been silence to my prayers ever since I came back. I prayed and was hoping that my contract with the company will be settled even while I was back in Korea, but till now nothing is solid yet. I wanted to look for a place more convenient to settle down but the room I wanted was taken up by someone 1 hour after I left the house.
Through all this I don’t know which theological stand to take. One side says that God has a perfect plan for us and we should wait patiently and persevere to find out what His plan is. Another side says that as long as we’re within God’s boundary we can do what we want, as long as we follow His command.
If it was the first case, then either I’m in the right path but I need to have more patience and persevere more in order to wait upon Him and know His will. Or, maybe where I am now wasn’t God’s initial perfect plan for me but I rationalize it to be His plan because I was so eager to see the business and projects becoming successful and that’s why I’m suffering.
If it was the second case, then no matter what I do it doesn’t matter, as long as I follow the big outline and guideline that He has set for us. Whether I continue to wait in patience to see the project bear fruit or I find another company in Malaysia or go back to Korea it doesn’t matter so long as I serve Him faithfully wherever I am.
One thing that I think I did right was probably to settle down in church and with a cell group first even though I don’t know what my next step will be. It’s amazing to see how many of the cell members went through similar paths and I’m grateful for all the kindness and encouragement that my brothers and sisters have shown me.
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