It's been a week since I came back, but felt much longer than that.
It was a time for me to practice my driving.
Drove many more times in the past 1 week.
Than what I did for the past 6 years.
Probably breaking a few rules along the way.
It was a time for me to do house chores.
Trying to clear the fridge by cooking all the food in it.
Realizing why grandmother complains not knowing what to cook.
Cooking similar stuff over and over again is no fun.
It was a time for me to look for a physiotherapist.
Wanted to find one to drop by our home to teach my mom.
But it seems that there are not many around who would go to a house..
Probably I can make a business by providing this service.
It was a time for me to appreciate the efforts of a housewife.
Doing the grocery shopping, cooking, washing etc.
Having not much time to do the work that I wanted to.
But was kind of good for me to rest and relax.
It was a time to get to know my neigbors better.
As well as the distance relatives that I visit only once a year.
When they drop by to visit my mom.
Bringing lots of apple till I don't know how to finish them.
It was also a time to see the bigger picture again.
Being less frustrated about the things not going well.
And to think about the things that can come through it.
Bringing God back into the picture and hoping for a better future.
"Man are the plans in a man's heart, but it is God's will that prevails."
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Saturday, April 24, 2010
The Longkang Tragedy
This is the account of the longkang tragedy that brought me back to Kuching:
It was 17 April, 4am. My mom woke up and couldn't go back to sleep.
As she was helping my neighbour doing some chores from 9am~2pm, during that paticular week, she decided to do some house chores before going to the neighbor's house.
5am. She decided to push the garbage bin out to the front of the gate, so that the garbage truck can collect the rubbish. The grass cutter has just cut off some bush/flowers the day before and she wanted to throw that away together. However, as she put the bunch of bush/flowers on top of the garbage bin, the thing fell and as she tried to hold on to it, she slipped and fell into the longkang next to the garbage bin.
Amazingly she managed to pull herself up from the longkang, but couldn't stand up on her own. She waited until her older brother, my uncle who stays next door open the doors to go jogging at about 5.30am. My uncle came over, but couldn't help her up on her feet as well. She then drag and shifted herself along the sidewalks till she reached the letter box, grabbed hold of it and pulled herself up.
They then decided to call the ambulance from the general hospital and at 6.15am they arrived in the hospital. Doctor came, x-rayed and said that they can only schedule an operation 4 weeks later.
When my mom's younger sister, my aunt who stays on the other next door came back (she's been working as a headmaster in Limbang for the past 1 year but comes back often to help out in the house, and it so happen she was coming back and landed in Kuching in the morning) she called my other aunts, and they decided it'll be better to shift her to Timberland Medical Hospital, a private hospital and get the operation done quickly.
My aunt's didn't manage to inform my two older brothers as one was in UAE and they didn't have time to go online and tell him while another is having his exam (something work-related). I didn't know that they didn't tell him, but glad I'm back here to get some things settled.
So this is the brief account.
It was 17 April, 4am. My mom woke up and couldn't go back to sleep.
As she was helping my neighbour doing some chores from 9am~2pm, during that paticular week, she decided to do some house chores before going to the neighbor's house.
5am. She decided to push the garbage bin out to the front of the gate, so that the garbage truck can collect the rubbish. The grass cutter has just cut off some bush/flowers the day before and she wanted to throw that away together. However, as she put the bunch of bush/flowers on top of the garbage bin, the thing fell and as she tried to hold on to it, she slipped and fell into the longkang next to the garbage bin.
Amazingly she managed to pull herself up from the longkang, but couldn't stand up on her own. She waited until her older brother, my uncle who stays next door open the doors to go jogging at about 5.30am. My uncle came over, but couldn't help her up on her feet as well. She then drag and shifted herself along the sidewalks till she reached the letter box, grabbed hold of it and pulled herself up.
They then decided to call the ambulance from the general hospital and at 6.15am they arrived in the hospital. Doctor came, x-rayed and said that they can only schedule an operation 4 weeks later.
When my mom's younger sister, my aunt who stays on the other next door came back (she's been working as a headmaster in Limbang for the past 1 year but comes back often to help out in the house, and it so happen she was coming back and landed in Kuching in the morning) she called my other aunts, and they decided it'll be better to shift her to Timberland Medical Hospital, a private hospital and get the operation done quickly.
My aunt's didn't manage to inform my two older brothers as one was in UAE and they didn't have time to go online and tell him while another is having his exam (something work-related). I didn't know that they didn't tell him, but glad I'm back here to get some things settled.
So this is the brief account.
Monday, April 19, 2010
Back to Kuching Again...
So I've decided to go back to Kuching tomorrow, to be with my mum as she'll be going through her operation 3pm today. Booked a one way ticket with the help of a cell member. Not sure how long I'll be in Kuching.
At first things wasn't going well for me. Now it seems that things are not going well for my family as well.
The day I signed a contract for a room here in KL, I got the news that my mum fell into the drain, fractured her bone, needs to be hospitalized with an operation scheduled in May, because the general hospital has a long list of patients waiting to undergo surgical operation.
My mum's sisters decided to get her out of the general hospital and into a private hospital as they think delaying the operation will only bring long term negative effect to the wounded area. But today I got news that there's 3 options, 2 which involves putting a rod into the bone which means she won't be able to squat anymore as it can dislocate, the 3rd option without rod is just to wait for natural healing to take place, 2~3 months, but if it doesn't heal she'll need to operate again to put the rod.
I guess if we had the resources the 3rd option will be the best. I didn't manage to talk to my brothers and other family members but I guess the undecisiveness is due to the fact that my mum will need to endure few more months of pain and inconveniences with no one at home to take care of things, and the probable cost of another operation...
And the Bible teaches us that God looks after the weak and poor...
Was it mere coincident that a cell member was telling me how she came back because "if she can't even honor her parents, how can she honor God?"
I guess in the current situation I have 2 options to make. I can be even bitter and angry at God for how things have turned out, that none of my projects are successful and that I can't give any financial help to ease the situation. Or I can thank God that nothing was successful and I can take some time off to go back home to be at her side.
Depends on which options I take it can either make me emotionally unstable and conceive more grudge in me or it can give me hope and encouragement.
Since I choose to believe that God is still good, I guess it'll be wiser to take option 2. That even though things are not going well now, eventually God will make His face shine upon me again...
At first things wasn't going well for me. Now it seems that things are not going well for my family as well.
The day I signed a contract for a room here in KL, I got the news that my mum fell into the drain, fractured her bone, needs to be hospitalized with an operation scheduled in May, because the general hospital has a long list of patients waiting to undergo surgical operation.
My mum's sisters decided to get her out of the general hospital and into a private hospital as they think delaying the operation will only bring long term negative effect to the wounded area. But today I got news that there's 3 options, 2 which involves putting a rod into the bone which means she won't be able to squat anymore as it can dislocate, the 3rd option without rod is just to wait for natural healing to take place, 2~3 months, but if it doesn't heal she'll need to operate again to put the rod.
I guess if we had the resources the 3rd option will be the best. I didn't manage to talk to my brothers and other family members but I guess the undecisiveness is due to the fact that my mum will need to endure few more months of pain and inconveniences with no one at home to take care of things, and the probable cost of another operation...
And the Bible teaches us that God looks after the weak and poor...
Was it mere coincident that a cell member was telling me how she came back because "if she can't even honor her parents, how can she honor God?"
I guess in the current situation I have 2 options to make. I can be even bitter and angry at God for how things have turned out, that none of my projects are successful and that I can't give any financial help to ease the situation. Or I can thank God that nothing was successful and I can take some time off to go back home to be at her side.
Depends on which options I take it can either make me emotionally unstable and conceive more grudge in me or it can give me hope and encouragement.
Since I choose to believe that God is still good, I guess it'll be wiser to take option 2. That even though things are not going well now, eventually God will make His face shine upon me again...
Saturday, April 17, 2010
Discerning God’s Will
When I come face to face with an obstacle, how do I know whether it is something God wants me to overcome, by waiting patiently and persevering or whether it is a door God has closed and He wants me to go elsewhere?
Recently I had the opportunity to talk to a few people and listened to how God guided them back to Malaysia. Many of them felt that God wanted them to come back. In some cases God closed the doors and they had to come back. Some came back because of the situation back here in Malaysia.
In my case, I came back because 1) there were some projects that I’ve been pursuing for the past few years and I was hoping to see them bear fruit; and 2) I felt God wanted me back through a series of “coincidence” in Church and in a Mission Conference.
And since I thought that it was God’s will to come back, I didn’t even try to check whether any other doors were open in Korea, less I see an opportunity and my heart was tempted to stay back.
My fear is that what if I rationalized 2) to become God’s guidance just because I wanted 1) to be successful? What if God left many doors unlocked in Korea but I was so blinded by my own desire that I didn’t realize it?
Of course before I made my decision I asked many people to pray for me and none seemed to object my decision, though many of my church friends wanted me to go back soon to serve in the church ministry.
But now I’m disappointed and discouraged by how things are happening here. And I don’t know what move to make since I can’t discern between an obstacle to overcome and a closed door to turn away from.
Probably my only guideline is like what my brothers in cell told me: “leave when I have the peace of leaving” or “go when I have the peace of going”.
Recently I had the opportunity to talk to a few people and listened to how God guided them back to Malaysia. Many of them felt that God wanted them to come back. In some cases God closed the doors and they had to come back. Some came back because of the situation back here in Malaysia.
In my case, I came back because 1) there were some projects that I’ve been pursuing for the past few years and I was hoping to see them bear fruit; and 2) I felt God wanted me back through a series of “coincidence” in Church and in a Mission Conference.
And since I thought that it was God’s will to come back, I didn’t even try to check whether any other doors were open in Korea, less I see an opportunity and my heart was tempted to stay back.
My fear is that what if I rationalized 2) to become God’s guidance just because I wanted 1) to be successful? What if God left many doors unlocked in Korea but I was so blinded by my own desire that I didn’t realize it?
Of course before I made my decision I asked many people to pray for me and none seemed to object my decision, though many of my church friends wanted me to go back soon to serve in the church ministry.
But now I’m disappointed and discouraged by how things are happening here. And I don’t know what move to make since I can’t discern between an obstacle to overcome and a closed door to turn away from.
Probably my only guideline is like what my brothers in cell told me: “leave when I have the peace of leaving” or “go when I have the peace of going”.
When God is Against Me, Who Can be for Me?
It’s been 1 month and a half since I left Korea and exactly a month since I came back from my Indochina Trip. I thought that after my trip upon arriving back in KL things will have been more settled and I’ll be sure of my working relationship with my company. But apparently nothing has changed and I’m still in a mess.
Lately I’m frustrated and truth be told there seems to be some bitterness in me against God. To some extend it feels like God is against me and I feel a bit betrayed. Initially my only reason of coming back was because of the work, but in Sep last year when I attended theplan09 camp I thought God was calling me back as well. Thus I had 2 reasons to come back, one for the work and another for God.
However ever since I came back here nothing has gone well. The business is still in a mess. I’ve been meeting new people almost every week but to no avail. I tried to settle down fast so that I can serve in Church but it seems that that’s not God’s plan. In fact, I don’t know what His plan is. He has been silence to my prayers ever since I came back. I prayed and was hoping that my contract with the company will be settled even while I was back in Korea, but till now nothing is solid yet. I wanted to look for a place more convenient to settle down but the room I wanted was taken up by someone 1 hour after I left the house.
Through all this I don’t know which theological stand to take. One side says that God has a perfect plan for us and we should wait patiently and persevere to find out what His plan is. Another side says that as long as we’re within God’s boundary we can do what we want, as long as we follow His command.
If it was the first case, then either I’m in the right path but I need to have more patience and persevere more in order to wait upon Him and know His will. Or, maybe where I am now wasn’t God’s initial perfect plan for me but I rationalize it to be His plan because I was so eager to see the business and projects becoming successful and that’s why I’m suffering.
If it was the second case, then no matter what I do it doesn’t matter, as long as I follow the big outline and guideline that He has set for us. Whether I continue to wait in patience to see the project bear fruit or I find another company in Malaysia or go back to Korea it doesn’t matter so long as I serve Him faithfully wherever I am.
One thing that I think I did right was probably to settle down in church and with a cell group first even though I don’t know what my next step will be. It’s amazing to see how many of the cell members went through similar paths and I’m grateful for all the kindness and encouragement that my brothers and sisters have shown me.
Lately I’m frustrated and truth be told there seems to be some bitterness in me against God. To some extend it feels like God is against me and I feel a bit betrayed. Initially my only reason of coming back was because of the work, but in Sep last year when I attended theplan09 camp I thought God was calling me back as well. Thus I had 2 reasons to come back, one for the work and another for God.
However ever since I came back here nothing has gone well. The business is still in a mess. I’ve been meeting new people almost every week but to no avail. I tried to settle down fast so that I can serve in Church but it seems that that’s not God’s plan. In fact, I don’t know what His plan is. He has been silence to my prayers ever since I came back. I prayed and was hoping that my contract with the company will be settled even while I was back in Korea, but till now nothing is solid yet. I wanted to look for a place more convenient to settle down but the room I wanted was taken up by someone 1 hour after I left the house.
Through all this I don’t know which theological stand to take. One side says that God has a perfect plan for us and we should wait patiently and persevere to find out what His plan is. Another side says that as long as we’re within God’s boundary we can do what we want, as long as we follow His command.
If it was the first case, then either I’m in the right path but I need to have more patience and persevere more in order to wait upon Him and know His will. Or, maybe where I am now wasn’t God’s initial perfect plan for me but I rationalize it to be His plan because I was so eager to see the business and projects becoming successful and that’s why I’m suffering.
If it was the second case, then no matter what I do it doesn’t matter, as long as I follow the big outline and guideline that He has set for us. Whether I continue to wait in patience to see the project bear fruit or I find another company in Malaysia or go back to Korea it doesn’t matter so long as I serve Him faithfully wherever I am.
One thing that I think I did right was probably to settle down in church and with a cell group first even though I don’t know what my next step will be. It’s amazing to see how many of the cell members went through similar paths and I’m grateful for all the kindness and encouragement that my brothers and sisters have shown me.
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