Discerning God’s Will

When I come face to face with an obstacle, how do I know whether it is something God wants me to overcome, by waiting patiently and persevering or whether it is a door God has closed and He wants me to go elsewhere?

Recently I had the opportunity to talk to a few people and listened to how God guided them back to Malaysia. Many of them felt that God wanted them to come back. In some cases God closed the doors and they had to come back. Some came back because of the situation back here in Malaysia.

In my case, I came back because 1) there were some projects that I’ve been pursuing for the past few years and I was hoping to see them bear fruit; and 2) I felt God wanted me back through a series of “coincidence” in Church and in a Mission Conference.

And since I thought that it was God’s will to come back, I didn’t even try to check whether any other doors were open in Korea, less I see an opportunity and my heart was tempted to stay back.

My fear is that what if I rationalized 2) to become God’s guidance just because I wanted 1) to be successful? What if God left many doors unlocked in Korea but I was so blinded by my own desire that I didn’t realize it?

Of course before I made my decision I asked many people to pray for me and none seemed to object my decision, though many of my church friends wanted me to go back soon to serve in the church ministry.

But now I’m disappointed and discouraged by how things are happening here. And I don’t know what move to make since I can’t discern between an obstacle to overcome and a closed door to turn away from.

Probably my only guideline is like what my brothers in cell told me: “leave when I have the peace of leaving” or “go when I have the peace of going”.

When God is Against Me, Who Can be for Me?

It’s been 1 month and a half since I left Korea and exactly a month since I came back from my Indochina Trip. I thought that after my trip upon arriving back in KL things will have been more settled and I’ll be sure of my working relationship with my company. But apparently nothing has changed and I’m still in a mess.

Lately I’m frustrated and truth be told there seems to be some bitterness in me against God. To some extend it feels like God is against me and I feel a bit betrayed. Initially my only reason of coming back was because of the work, but in Sep last year when I attended theplan09 camp I thought God was calling me back as well. Thus I had 2 reasons to come back, one for the work and another for God.

However ever since I came back here nothing has gone well. The business is still in a mess. I’ve been meeting new people almost every week but to no avail. I tried to settle down fast so that I can serve in Church but it seems that that’s not God’s plan. In fact, I don’t know what His plan is. He has been silence to my prayers ever since I came back. I prayed and was hoping that my contract with the company will be settled even while I was back in Korea, but till now nothing is solid yet. I wanted to look for a place more convenient to settle down but the room I wanted was taken up by someone 1 hour after I left the house.

Through all this I don’t know which theological stand to take. One side says that God has a perfect plan for us and we should wait patiently and persevere to find out what His plan is. Another side says that as long as we’re within God’s boundary we can do what we want, as long as we follow His command.

If it was the first case, then either I’m in the right path but I need to have more patience and persevere more in order to wait upon Him and know His will. Or, maybe where I am now wasn’t God’s initial perfect plan for me but I rationalize it to be His plan because I was so eager to see the business and projects becoming successful and that’s why I’m suffering.

If it was the second case, then no matter what I do it doesn’t matter, as long as I follow the big outline and guideline that He has set for us. Whether I continue to wait in patience to see the project bear fruit or I find another company in Malaysia or go back to Korea it doesn’t matter so long as I serve Him faithfully wherever I am.

One thing that I think I did right was probably to settle down in church and with a cell group first even though I don’t know what my next step will be. It’s amazing to see how many of the cell members went through similar paths and I’m grateful for all the kindness and encouragement that my brothers and sisters have shown me.

Last Month as an Undergraduate

Exactly 2 months after my previous post and also my final month as an undergraduate.

Quite a lot of things happened, internally and externally.
It seems that my life's philosophy has changed a bit.

Up till 2 months ago I told one of my friend that I'd act according to reason rather than emotion.
2 months later I find that I care more about my feeling rather than my reasoning.
But anyway, it's not the time to do anything.

Was back in Malaysia for my business trip from Jan 11-25.
Met a lot of real estate agents, Nelson's Cup in Corn's founder and Sarawak Tourism Board.
Still not sure whether any of the projects will be successful though. It is all in God's hand.

Started my swimming lesson yesterday and fitness centre today.
I'll only be able to go for both of it until Feb 20 because my family will be here.
I want to gain some weight, but from my observation, after an hour's swim I loss about 200g-500g ㅠ.ㅠ
We'll see what happens after a week.

Friends for Ever

Attended my 6th and final PPMK Annual Dinner.

As usual the final year students all presented a song.
This year we did Graduation by Vitamin C & 너에게난 나에게난,  which is something like our batch song.

I'm sure I heard the lyrics before, but I'm not sure where:
"As we go on
 We remember
 All the times we
 Had together.
 And as our lives change
 Come whatever
 We will still be
 Friends for Ever."

Indeed it has been a long time here in Korea. 5 years and 2 months to be exact.
Remembering how I first stayed with another 1 chinese and 4 malays, then later moved to a house composed of 3 chinese and 1 malay and now threre's 4 chinese in our house.

Throughout the past few years I have done many things. Of course there are many things that I've not done as well.

One of the purpose I wrote this blog was to keep track of my life here in Korea. But unfortunately I didn't managed to maintained it during my uni. years.

But I wanna try to bring a close to this blog. Whether I'll continue writing in Malaysia, that's another story.

There's still one thing that I haven't done. And I do not want to regret not doing it. I've prayed about it and am currently praying over it.

God, help me O God^^

Working vs Grad. School

As recent as 1.5 years ago, I thought that I'd be busy looking for jobs here in Korea right before graduating.

However, God seems to be speaking to me of late through various sources and situations that He wants me to be back, at least until He gives me another option.

So while most of my friends are busy sending in resumes, applying for jobs, going for interviews, I am stuck in college.

Somehow I haven't been studying very much this semester. One of the reason is that my Undergraduate Theses Class and my Graduation Theses has been taking up a lot of time (at least that's what I tried to do more in Sep). I'm doing Glucose Meter, but it seems that not many theses or specific patent is about the actual reader.....

Anyway, so current my plan is to graduate, go back to Malaysia, play for a few weeks, apply for a part time job while trying to get another scholarship to do my Master, either in Engineering, Business or International Relation.

End of May

Just came back from a business trip back in Malaysia.

Some things didn't run smoothy but there're new opportunities coming in.

It's a bit tiring, flying Seoul-KK-Kl-KK-Seoul within 4.5 days.

But was glad that I can catch up with a few friends I've not met for several months or years~

Busy weeks a head as spring comes to an end and summer begins..

unfinished assignments...

It's the first time I spend more than 13 hours doing 3 questions and still cannot solve it correctly despite having the solution manual.....

Started doing my Heat and Mass Transfer assignments at 7.30pm on Monday night. Thought I should be able to finish it within 5 hours since I have the solution manual.

Was doing it with another friend of mine who was good in solving these sort of questions.

Yet the two of us worked through the night and till day break at 6am not able to finish the 3rd question....

Slept from 6am to 830am and went to class...
Didn't even study that hard during my exams last semester and this semester..

Well, I call that a new experience^^

Result < Time*Effort

Just finished an exam. Management Information System.

I feel that business subs exams are weird. The exam questions were T/F, Objective and fill in the blanks.
It's a bit frustrating because it's like: there's 1500 things and I remember 1200 things but they only questioned me on the 300 things that I don't remember~

Result for my Heat and Mass Transfer also came out last Wednesday.
Was above average, but I thought I'd get a better result because the questions were similar to past years questions.

But did so many bloody mistakes~~

Will need to do quite well in my next 2 exams if I wanna get an A for this sub....

Salmon's Life

Salmon are anadromous: they are born in fresh water, migrate to the ocean, then return to fresh water to reproduce, and die. Folklore has it that the fish return to the exact spot where they were born to spawn, tracking studies have shown this to be true but the nature of how this memory works has long been debated.

Chinook and sockeye salmon from central Idaho travel over 1400 km and climb nearly 2100 m from the Pacific ocean as they return to spawn.

Not many people are born to die. There are a lot of things that we would like to achieve in life. Wealth. Fame. Longevity.

Yet Christ set an example for us, and said that unless a grain of wheat falls into the ground and dies, it remains alone. But if it dies, it produces a lot of grain.

If a salmon, guided by the hand of God, is willing to undergo such long, hard process to give birth to their next generation, what is stopping me from carrying out God's will so that many more may experience His gift of new life?

I long to take the road less travelled, seing things from God's perspective rather than from my own. Yet if I'm not willing to make greater sacrifice, will it be possible?

If I haven't died to myself how can I experience the power of resurrection?

-just some random thoughts after listening to todays easter sermon-

Final year...

I'm now a senior in Uni.
Can't wait to graduate.
Amazing how 4.5 years passed like rushing water.

Not that I hate studying, but can't wait to see what God has in store for me.

Working with my current company?
Graduate school?
1 year mission trip?
Work somewhere else?

I want to serve God and be in a position where I can influence others for Him.

I want to share about what God has done for me. He has been gracious and good to me.
I want to share what He has showed me during the last few years and apply what I've learn.

Should I be choosing the road less taken?^^