When I first came back to Kuching few weeks ago I was in Frustration Mode.
Nothing was going my way and everything seemed to be going against me.
Many things happened during these few weeks and many mental changes occured as well.
I was in the heat of pursuing my part time job and was frustrated that nothing was going well.
Was upset that the day I signed the contract for my rented room in PJ I had to fly back.
Was not sure of what I wanted and was in a spiritual roller coaster.
But my time here has seemed to cool me off.
Taking time off to relax, do the house chores, cooking, shopping, learning to drive, hanging out with friends, exploring Kuching etc.
And it was during this period that I've decided to stop or minimize my involvement with the part time company that I've been working for the past 3 years because I think my effort is not being appreciated and while I think for the company in various way they don't really take care off me.
So I send in my resume to 2 companies in KL and went to an interview last week.
I can work anytime but I'm not in a rush to work as there's so many things I want to do.
If by end of the month I'm still not working will probably sign up for Youth Kairos.
But if I've started working will still try to sign up for a normal Kairos Course in June.
Trusting in God.
Especially with my issue with the government.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Sunday, May 02, 2010
Mission Conference & Carry the Call 2010
I had the chance to attend my church's Mission Conference during the weekend.
Every year SIB Kuching has a Mission Conference as far as I can remember, which is like 10, 15 years ago.
While I was still young I would go there with my aunt. Though I didn't fully understand what was being said or shared by the missionaries, I always had a keen interest in the works that the missionaries were doing.
Carry the Call was a youth mission thing that was started by my church youth group in 2000. This year is the 10th and final Carry the Call. I was at the first one and now God brought me back to attend the last one. It's been 10 years. I was actually thinking whether to go for Carry the Call or go hang out with my friends, since it's mostly for youth and I feel a bit out of it. But am glad I went.
Looking at my younger brother and sister answering to the missionary/speaker's challenge, I was reminded of how I used to response as well. At first I was sure I do not have the ability to go and I was also quite sure I didn't have the money to give. So the only challenge I could take was to pray for missions.
Few years down the road, I was still a student and had no money, but I was brave enough to give a token towards mission. I remember there was a short term mission trip in my church, but I didn't have the money to pay for it and I didn't hink that I would be any use going there.
Fastforwarding to my time in college, God led me to Campus Crusade for Christ and during my 1st and 2nd year of college I had the opportunity to go to Japan, Mongolia and China for 2~3 weeks short term mission.
At that time I even thought of going off for 1 year STINT directly after graduating.
But things have not turned out the way I wanted. Obstacles came, new opportunities arose and the challenges that I said I would take was forgotten.
But last night it seems that God was speaking to me. Reminding me that long ago, when God asked, "Whom shall I send?", I think I did say that if God was asking me to go, I'd go.
But how do I know whether God wants me to go?
This morning during service the speaker was saying that many people want clear guidance and indication from God that He wants them to go to mission. The speaker then asked us, how many of us have clear guidance and indication that God wants us to stay?
Every year SIB Kuching has a Mission Conference as far as I can remember, which is like 10, 15 years ago.
While I was still young I would go there with my aunt. Though I didn't fully understand what was being said or shared by the missionaries, I always had a keen interest in the works that the missionaries were doing.
Carry the Call was a youth mission thing that was started by my church youth group in 2000. This year is the 10th and final Carry the Call. I was at the first one and now God brought me back to attend the last one. It's been 10 years. I was actually thinking whether to go for Carry the Call or go hang out with my friends, since it's mostly for youth and I feel a bit out of it. But am glad I went.
Looking at my younger brother and sister answering to the missionary/speaker's challenge, I was reminded of how I used to response as well. At first I was sure I do not have the ability to go and I was also quite sure I didn't have the money to give. So the only challenge I could take was to pray for missions.
Few years down the road, I was still a student and had no money, but I was brave enough to give a token towards mission. I remember there was a short term mission trip in my church, but I didn't have the money to pay for it and I didn't hink that I would be any use going there.
Fastforwarding to my time in college, God led me to Campus Crusade for Christ and during my 1st and 2nd year of college I had the opportunity to go to Japan, Mongolia and China for 2~3 weeks short term mission.
At that time I even thought of going off for 1 year STINT directly after graduating.
But things have not turned out the way I wanted. Obstacles came, new opportunities arose and the challenges that I said I would take was forgotten.
But last night it seems that God was speaking to me. Reminding me that long ago, when God asked, "Whom shall I send?", I think I did say that if God was asking me to go, I'd go.
But how do I know whether God wants me to go?
This morning during service the speaker was saying that many people want clear guidance and indication from God that He wants them to go to mission. The speaker then asked us, how many of us have clear guidance and indication that God wants us to stay?
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
1 Week In Kuching
It's been a week since I came back, but felt much longer than that.
It was a time for me to practice my driving.
Drove many more times in the past 1 week.
Than what I did for the past 6 years.
Probably breaking a few rules along the way.
It was a time for me to do house chores.
Trying to clear the fridge by cooking all the food in it.
Realizing why grandmother complains not knowing what to cook.
Cooking similar stuff over and over again is no fun.
It was a time for me to look for a physiotherapist.
Wanted to find one to drop by our home to teach my mom.
But it seems that there are not many around who would go to a house..
Probably I can make a business by providing this service.
It was a time for me to appreciate the efforts of a housewife.
Doing the grocery shopping, cooking, washing etc.
Having not much time to do the work that I wanted to.
But was kind of good for me to rest and relax.
It was a time to get to know my neigbors better.
As well as the distance relatives that I visit only once a year.
When they drop by to visit my mom.
Bringing lots of apple till I don't know how to finish them.
It was also a time to see the bigger picture again.
Being less frustrated about the things not going well.
And to think about the things that can come through it.
Bringing God back into the picture and hoping for a better future.
"Man are the plans in a man's heart, but it is God's will that prevails."
It was a time for me to practice my driving.
Drove many more times in the past 1 week.
Than what I did for the past 6 years.
Probably breaking a few rules along the way.
It was a time for me to do house chores.
Trying to clear the fridge by cooking all the food in it.
Realizing why grandmother complains not knowing what to cook.
Cooking similar stuff over and over again is no fun.
It was a time for me to look for a physiotherapist.
Wanted to find one to drop by our home to teach my mom.
But it seems that there are not many around who would go to a house..
Probably I can make a business by providing this service.
It was a time for me to appreciate the efforts of a housewife.
Doing the grocery shopping, cooking, washing etc.
Having not much time to do the work that I wanted to.
But was kind of good for me to rest and relax.
It was a time to get to know my neigbors better.
As well as the distance relatives that I visit only once a year.
When they drop by to visit my mom.
Bringing lots of apple till I don't know how to finish them.
It was also a time to see the bigger picture again.
Being less frustrated about the things not going well.
And to think about the things that can come through it.
Bringing God back into the picture and hoping for a better future.
"Man are the plans in a man's heart, but it is God's will that prevails."
Saturday, April 24, 2010
The Longkang Tragedy
This is the account of the longkang tragedy that brought me back to Kuching:
It was 17 April, 4am. My mom woke up and couldn't go back to sleep.
As she was helping my neighbour doing some chores from 9am~2pm, during that paticular week, she decided to do some house chores before going to the neighbor's house.
5am. She decided to push the garbage bin out to the front of the gate, so that the garbage truck can collect the rubbish. The grass cutter has just cut off some bush/flowers the day before and she wanted to throw that away together. However, as she put the bunch of bush/flowers on top of the garbage bin, the thing fell and as she tried to hold on to it, she slipped and fell into the longkang next to the garbage bin.
Amazingly she managed to pull herself up from the longkang, but couldn't stand up on her own. She waited until her older brother, my uncle who stays next door open the doors to go jogging at about 5.30am. My uncle came over, but couldn't help her up on her feet as well. She then drag and shifted herself along the sidewalks till she reached the letter box, grabbed hold of it and pulled herself up.
They then decided to call the ambulance from the general hospital and at 6.15am they arrived in the hospital. Doctor came, x-rayed and said that they can only schedule an operation 4 weeks later.
When my mom's younger sister, my aunt who stays on the other next door came back (she's been working as a headmaster in Limbang for the past 1 year but comes back often to help out in the house, and it so happen she was coming back and landed in Kuching in the morning) she called my other aunts, and they decided it'll be better to shift her to Timberland Medical Hospital, a private hospital and get the operation done quickly.
My aunt's didn't manage to inform my two older brothers as one was in UAE and they didn't have time to go online and tell him while another is having his exam (something work-related). I didn't know that they didn't tell him, but glad I'm back here to get some things settled.
So this is the brief account.
It was 17 April, 4am. My mom woke up and couldn't go back to sleep.
As she was helping my neighbour doing some chores from 9am~2pm, during that paticular week, she decided to do some house chores before going to the neighbor's house.
5am. She decided to push the garbage bin out to the front of the gate, so that the garbage truck can collect the rubbish. The grass cutter has just cut off some bush/flowers the day before and she wanted to throw that away together. However, as she put the bunch of bush/flowers on top of the garbage bin, the thing fell and as she tried to hold on to it, she slipped and fell into the longkang next to the garbage bin.
Amazingly she managed to pull herself up from the longkang, but couldn't stand up on her own. She waited until her older brother, my uncle who stays next door open the doors to go jogging at about 5.30am. My uncle came over, but couldn't help her up on her feet as well. She then drag and shifted herself along the sidewalks till she reached the letter box, grabbed hold of it and pulled herself up.
They then decided to call the ambulance from the general hospital and at 6.15am they arrived in the hospital. Doctor came, x-rayed and said that they can only schedule an operation 4 weeks later.
When my mom's younger sister, my aunt who stays on the other next door came back (she's been working as a headmaster in Limbang for the past 1 year but comes back often to help out in the house, and it so happen she was coming back and landed in Kuching in the morning) she called my other aunts, and they decided it'll be better to shift her to Timberland Medical Hospital, a private hospital and get the operation done quickly.
My aunt's didn't manage to inform my two older brothers as one was in UAE and they didn't have time to go online and tell him while another is having his exam (something work-related). I didn't know that they didn't tell him, but glad I'm back here to get some things settled.
So this is the brief account.
Monday, April 19, 2010
Back to Kuching Again...
So I've decided to go back to Kuching tomorrow, to be with my mum as she'll be going through her operation 3pm today. Booked a one way ticket with the help of a cell member. Not sure how long I'll be in Kuching.
At first things wasn't going well for me. Now it seems that things are not going well for my family as well.
The day I signed a contract for a room here in KL, I got the news that my mum fell into the drain, fractured her bone, needs to be hospitalized with an operation scheduled in May, because the general hospital has a long list of patients waiting to undergo surgical operation.
My mum's sisters decided to get her out of the general hospital and into a private hospital as they think delaying the operation will only bring long term negative effect to the wounded area. But today I got news that there's 3 options, 2 which involves putting a rod into the bone which means she won't be able to squat anymore as it can dislocate, the 3rd option without rod is just to wait for natural healing to take place, 2~3 months, but if it doesn't heal she'll need to operate again to put the rod.
I guess if we had the resources the 3rd option will be the best. I didn't manage to talk to my brothers and other family members but I guess the undecisiveness is due to the fact that my mum will need to endure few more months of pain and inconveniences with no one at home to take care of things, and the probable cost of another operation...
And the Bible teaches us that God looks after the weak and poor...
Was it mere coincident that a cell member was telling me how she came back because "if she can't even honor her parents, how can she honor God?"
I guess in the current situation I have 2 options to make. I can be even bitter and angry at God for how things have turned out, that none of my projects are successful and that I can't give any financial help to ease the situation. Or I can thank God that nothing was successful and I can take some time off to go back home to be at her side.
Depends on which options I take it can either make me emotionally unstable and conceive more grudge in me or it can give me hope and encouragement.
Since I choose to believe that God is still good, I guess it'll be wiser to take option 2. That even though things are not going well now, eventually God will make His face shine upon me again...
At first things wasn't going well for me. Now it seems that things are not going well for my family as well.
The day I signed a contract for a room here in KL, I got the news that my mum fell into the drain, fractured her bone, needs to be hospitalized with an operation scheduled in May, because the general hospital has a long list of patients waiting to undergo surgical operation.
My mum's sisters decided to get her out of the general hospital and into a private hospital as they think delaying the operation will only bring long term negative effect to the wounded area. But today I got news that there's 3 options, 2 which involves putting a rod into the bone which means she won't be able to squat anymore as it can dislocate, the 3rd option without rod is just to wait for natural healing to take place, 2~3 months, but if it doesn't heal she'll need to operate again to put the rod.
I guess if we had the resources the 3rd option will be the best. I didn't manage to talk to my brothers and other family members but I guess the undecisiveness is due to the fact that my mum will need to endure few more months of pain and inconveniences with no one at home to take care of things, and the probable cost of another operation...
And the Bible teaches us that God looks after the weak and poor...
Was it mere coincident that a cell member was telling me how she came back because "if she can't even honor her parents, how can she honor God?"
I guess in the current situation I have 2 options to make. I can be even bitter and angry at God for how things have turned out, that none of my projects are successful and that I can't give any financial help to ease the situation. Or I can thank God that nothing was successful and I can take some time off to go back home to be at her side.
Depends on which options I take it can either make me emotionally unstable and conceive more grudge in me or it can give me hope and encouragement.
Since I choose to believe that God is still good, I guess it'll be wiser to take option 2. That even though things are not going well now, eventually God will make His face shine upon me again...
Saturday, April 17, 2010
Discerning God’s Will
When I come face to face with an obstacle, how do I know whether it is something God wants me to overcome, by waiting patiently and persevering or whether it is a door God has closed and He wants me to go elsewhere?
Recently I had the opportunity to talk to a few people and listened to how God guided them back to Malaysia. Many of them felt that God wanted them to come back. In some cases God closed the doors and they had to come back. Some came back because of the situation back here in Malaysia.
In my case, I came back because 1) there were some projects that I’ve been pursuing for the past few years and I was hoping to see them bear fruit; and 2) I felt God wanted me back through a series of “coincidence” in Church and in a Mission Conference.
And since I thought that it was God’s will to come back, I didn’t even try to check whether any other doors were open in Korea, less I see an opportunity and my heart was tempted to stay back.
My fear is that what if I rationalized 2) to become God’s guidance just because I wanted 1) to be successful? What if God left many doors unlocked in Korea but I was so blinded by my own desire that I didn’t realize it?
Of course before I made my decision I asked many people to pray for me and none seemed to object my decision, though many of my church friends wanted me to go back soon to serve in the church ministry.
But now I’m disappointed and discouraged by how things are happening here. And I don’t know what move to make since I can’t discern between an obstacle to overcome and a closed door to turn away from.
Probably my only guideline is like what my brothers in cell told me: “leave when I have the peace of leaving” or “go when I have the peace of going”.
Recently I had the opportunity to talk to a few people and listened to how God guided them back to Malaysia. Many of them felt that God wanted them to come back. In some cases God closed the doors and they had to come back. Some came back because of the situation back here in Malaysia.
In my case, I came back because 1) there were some projects that I’ve been pursuing for the past few years and I was hoping to see them bear fruit; and 2) I felt God wanted me back through a series of “coincidence” in Church and in a Mission Conference.
And since I thought that it was God’s will to come back, I didn’t even try to check whether any other doors were open in Korea, less I see an opportunity and my heart was tempted to stay back.
My fear is that what if I rationalized 2) to become God’s guidance just because I wanted 1) to be successful? What if God left many doors unlocked in Korea but I was so blinded by my own desire that I didn’t realize it?
Of course before I made my decision I asked many people to pray for me and none seemed to object my decision, though many of my church friends wanted me to go back soon to serve in the church ministry.
But now I’m disappointed and discouraged by how things are happening here. And I don’t know what move to make since I can’t discern between an obstacle to overcome and a closed door to turn away from.
Probably my only guideline is like what my brothers in cell told me: “leave when I have the peace of leaving” or “go when I have the peace of going”.
When God is Against Me, Who Can be for Me?
It’s been 1 month and a half since I left Korea and exactly a month since I came back from my Indochina Trip. I thought that after my trip upon arriving back in KL things will have been more settled and I’ll be sure of my working relationship with my company. But apparently nothing has changed and I’m still in a mess.
Lately I’m frustrated and truth be told there seems to be some bitterness in me against God. To some extend it feels like God is against me and I feel a bit betrayed. Initially my only reason of coming back was because of the work, but in Sep last year when I attended theplan09 camp I thought God was calling me back as well. Thus I had 2 reasons to come back, one for the work and another for God.
However ever since I came back here nothing has gone well. The business is still in a mess. I’ve been meeting new people almost every week but to no avail. I tried to settle down fast so that I can serve in Church but it seems that that’s not God’s plan. In fact, I don’t know what His plan is. He has been silence to my prayers ever since I came back. I prayed and was hoping that my contract with the company will be settled even while I was back in Korea, but till now nothing is solid yet. I wanted to look for a place more convenient to settle down but the room I wanted was taken up by someone 1 hour after I left the house.
Through all this I don’t know which theological stand to take. One side says that God has a perfect plan for us and we should wait patiently and persevere to find out what His plan is. Another side says that as long as we’re within God’s boundary we can do what we want, as long as we follow His command.
If it was the first case, then either I’m in the right path but I need to have more patience and persevere more in order to wait upon Him and know His will. Or, maybe where I am now wasn’t God’s initial perfect plan for me but I rationalize it to be His plan because I was so eager to see the business and projects becoming successful and that’s why I’m suffering.
If it was the second case, then no matter what I do it doesn’t matter, as long as I follow the big outline and guideline that He has set for us. Whether I continue to wait in patience to see the project bear fruit or I find another company in Malaysia or go back to Korea it doesn’t matter so long as I serve Him faithfully wherever I am.
One thing that I think I did right was probably to settle down in church and with a cell group first even though I don’t know what my next step will be. It’s amazing to see how many of the cell members went through similar paths and I’m grateful for all the kindness and encouragement that my brothers and sisters have shown me.
Lately I’m frustrated and truth be told there seems to be some bitterness in me against God. To some extend it feels like God is against me and I feel a bit betrayed. Initially my only reason of coming back was because of the work, but in Sep last year when I attended theplan09 camp I thought God was calling me back as well. Thus I had 2 reasons to come back, one for the work and another for God.
However ever since I came back here nothing has gone well. The business is still in a mess. I’ve been meeting new people almost every week but to no avail. I tried to settle down fast so that I can serve in Church but it seems that that’s not God’s plan. In fact, I don’t know what His plan is. He has been silence to my prayers ever since I came back. I prayed and was hoping that my contract with the company will be settled even while I was back in Korea, but till now nothing is solid yet. I wanted to look for a place more convenient to settle down but the room I wanted was taken up by someone 1 hour after I left the house.
Through all this I don’t know which theological stand to take. One side says that God has a perfect plan for us and we should wait patiently and persevere to find out what His plan is. Another side says that as long as we’re within God’s boundary we can do what we want, as long as we follow His command.
If it was the first case, then either I’m in the right path but I need to have more patience and persevere more in order to wait upon Him and know His will. Or, maybe where I am now wasn’t God’s initial perfect plan for me but I rationalize it to be His plan because I was so eager to see the business and projects becoming successful and that’s why I’m suffering.
If it was the second case, then no matter what I do it doesn’t matter, as long as I follow the big outline and guideline that He has set for us. Whether I continue to wait in patience to see the project bear fruit or I find another company in Malaysia or go back to Korea it doesn’t matter so long as I serve Him faithfully wherever I am.
One thing that I think I did right was probably to settle down in church and with a cell group first even though I don’t know what my next step will be. It’s amazing to see how many of the cell members went through similar paths and I’m grateful for all the kindness and encouragement that my brothers and sisters have shown me.
Tuesday, February 02, 2010
Last Month as an Undergraduate
Exactly 2 months after my previous post and also my final month as an undergraduate.
Quite a lot of things happened, internally and externally.
It seems that my life's philosophy has changed a bit.
Up till 2 months ago I told one of my friend that I'd act according to reason rather than emotion.
2 months later I find that I care more about my feeling rather than my reasoning.
But anyway, it's not the time to do anything.
Was back in Malaysia for my business trip from Jan 11-25.
Met a lot of real estate agents, Nelson's Cup in Corn's founder and Sarawak Tourism Board.
Still not sure whether any of the projects will be successful though. It is all in God's hand.
Started my swimming lesson yesterday and fitness centre today.
I'll only be able to go for both of it until Feb 20 because my family will be here.
I want to gain some weight, but from my observation, after an hour's swim I loss about 200g-500g ㅠ.ㅠ
We'll see what happens after a week.
Quite a lot of things happened, internally and externally.
It seems that my life's philosophy has changed a bit.
Up till 2 months ago I told one of my friend that I'd act according to reason rather than emotion.
2 months later I find that I care more about my feeling rather than my reasoning.
But anyway, it's not the time to do anything.
Was back in Malaysia for my business trip from Jan 11-25.
Met a lot of real estate agents, Nelson's Cup in Corn's founder and Sarawak Tourism Board.
Still not sure whether any of the projects will be successful though. It is all in God's hand.
Started my swimming lesson yesterday and fitness centre today.
I'll only be able to go for both of it until Feb 20 because my family will be here.
I want to gain some weight, but from my observation, after an hour's swim I loss about 200g-500g ㅠ.ㅠ
We'll see what happens after a week.
Sunday, November 01, 2009
Friends for Ever
Attended my 6th and final PPMK Annual Dinner.
As usual the final year students all presented a song.
This year we did Graduation by Vitamin C & 너에게난 나에게난, which is something like our batch song.
I'm sure I heard the lyrics before, but I'm not sure where:
"As we go on
We remember
All the times we
Had together.
And as our lives change
Come whatever
We will still be
Friends for Ever."
Indeed it has been a long time here in Korea. 5 years and 2 months to be exact.
Remembering how I first stayed with another 1 chinese and 4 malays, then later moved to a house composed of 3 chinese and 1 malay and now threre's 4 chinese in our house.
Throughout the past few years I have done many things. Of course there are many things that I've not done as well.
One of the purpose I wrote this blog was to keep track of my life here in Korea. But unfortunately I didn't managed to maintained it during my uni. years.
But I wanna try to bring a close to this blog. Whether I'll continue writing in Malaysia, that's another story.
There's still one thing that I haven't done. And I do not want to regret not doing it. I've prayed about it and am currently praying over it.
God, help me O God^^
As usual the final year students all presented a song.
This year we did Graduation by Vitamin C & 너에게난 나에게난, which is something like our batch song.
I'm sure I heard the lyrics before, but I'm not sure where:
"As we go on
We remember
All the times we
Had together.
And as our lives change
Come whatever
We will still be
Friends for Ever."
Indeed it has been a long time here in Korea. 5 years and 2 months to be exact.
Remembering how I first stayed with another 1 chinese and 4 malays, then later moved to a house composed of 3 chinese and 1 malay and now threre's 4 chinese in our house.
Throughout the past few years I have done many things. Of course there are many things that I've not done as well.
One of the purpose I wrote this blog was to keep track of my life here in Korea. But unfortunately I didn't managed to maintained it during my uni. years.
But I wanna try to bring a close to this blog. Whether I'll continue writing in Malaysia, that's another story.
There's still one thing that I haven't done. And I do not want to regret not doing it. I've prayed about it and am currently praying over it.
God, help me O God^^
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Working vs Grad. School
As recent as 1.5 years ago, I thought that I'd be busy looking for jobs here in Korea right before graduating.
However, God seems to be speaking to me of late through various sources and situations that He wants me to be back, at least until He gives me another option.
So while most of my friends are busy sending in resumes, applying for jobs, going for interviews, I am stuck in college.
Somehow I haven't been studying very much this semester. One of the reason is that my Undergraduate Theses Class and my Graduation Theses has been taking up a lot of time (at least that's what I tried to do more in Sep). I'm doing Glucose Meter, but it seems that not many theses or specific patent is about the actual reader.....
Anyway, so current my plan is to graduate, go back to Malaysia, play for a few weeks, apply for a part time job while trying to get another scholarship to do my Master, either in Engineering, Business or International Relation.
However, God seems to be speaking to me of late through various sources and situations that He wants me to be back, at least until He gives me another option.
So while most of my friends are busy sending in resumes, applying for jobs, going for interviews, I am stuck in college.
Somehow I haven't been studying very much this semester. One of the reason is that my Undergraduate Theses Class and my Graduation Theses has been taking up a lot of time (at least that's what I tried to do more in Sep). I'm doing Glucose Meter, but it seems that not many theses or specific patent is about the actual reader.....
Anyway, so current my plan is to graduate, go back to Malaysia, play for a few weeks, apply for a part time job while trying to get another scholarship to do my Master, either in Engineering, Business or International Relation.
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