Reflecting back on the past 6 months there have been indeed ups and downs in my life.
When I first came back to Malaysia and still working with the Korean company I was hoping that the business will be successful (though in my heart I feel that God might have a different plan..) and though I really felt that God wants me to be here in Malaysia for the time being I was silently hoping that He’ll send me back to Korea.
But within 2 months everything went wrong and during that 2 months I think I was on an emotional roller coaster and probably some of my closer friends have heard me sighing and grumbling that I don’t know what God wants with me.
During that period honestly I was not very pleased with God but nonetheless looking back I still have to say that He’s been faithful. Of the few things which He did and I’m grateful for is bringing me to my current Cell.
I still remember the first few weeks when few of my cell mates shared their experience and journey of how God brought them to where they are now. I was also surprised and encouraged when I first attended the Tuesday prayer meeting to see a few of them there as well. Because usually when I go for prayer meetings I’m the only young or youngest person there.
I notice that there are not many YA cell people there and is it by coincident He put me in Friends 2 where few of my cell mates actually set apart their time to seek Him in corporate prayer gathering? Hmm..
Also since I set foot in SIBKL I have been thinking of going to Saturday prayer meeting but has not managed to do so till my cell mates invited and encouraged me to go.
I’m blessed to be surrounded by brother and sisters like them when I need it the most. Thanks.
Sunday, August 01, 2010
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Isaiah 51: 11-16
11 The ransomed of the LORD will return.
They will enter Zion with singing;
everlasting joy will crown their heads.
Gladness and joy will overtake them,
and sorrow and sighing will flee away.
12 "I, even I, am he who comforts you.
Who are you that you fear mortal men,
the sons of men, who are but grass,
13 that you forget the LORD your Maker,
who stretched out the heavens
and laid the foundations of the earth,
that you live in constant terror every day
because of the wrath of the oppressor,
who is bent on destruction?
For where is the wrath of the oppressor?
14 The cowering prisoners will soon be set free;
they will not die in their dungeon,
nor will they lack bread.
15 For I am the LORD your God,
who churns up the sea so that its waves roar—
the LORD Almighty is his name.
16 I have put my words in your mouth
and covered you with the shadow of my hand—
I who set the heavens in place,
who laid the foundations of the earth,
and who say to Zion, 'You are my people.' "
They will enter Zion with singing;
everlasting joy will crown their heads.
Gladness and joy will overtake them,
and sorrow and sighing will flee away.
12 "I, even I, am he who comforts you.
Who are you that you fear mortal men,
the sons of men, who are but grass,
13 that you forget the LORD your Maker,
who stretched out the heavens
and laid the foundations of the earth,
that you live in constant terror every day
because of the wrath of the oppressor,
who is bent on destruction?
For where is the wrath of the oppressor?
14 The cowering prisoners will soon be set free;
they will not die in their dungeon,
nor will they lack bread.
15 For I am the LORD your God,
who churns up the sea so that its waves roar—
the LORD Almighty is his name.
16 I have put my words in your mouth
and covered you with the shadow of my hand—
I who set the heavens in place,
who laid the foundations of the earth,
and who say to Zion, 'You are my people.' "
Sunday, July 04, 2010
Emotional Attachment
Came home about 4pm.
Woke up at 430am to see my brother off to the airport and went back to sleep.
Went to church at 920am for the pre-service prayer meeting.
Went to 11am service.
Went for lunch around 130pm.
I think it must have been more than a month since I last came home so early on Sunday.
But the feeling I had after reaching home..the same feeling that I had many times after coming back from church even when I was still in Korea...I don't know how to describe it.
It's a big contrast to the super high feeling I have during service and while I'm with my church friends.
When I reached home I feel a bit down...don't know why.
The more I mix and mingle with my Cell friends the more I like them and the more I want to be here. Yet the more emotionally attached to this place I become the harder it will be for me to leave...
Leaving Korea wasn't that difficult to some certain extent because I thought I'd be back very soon...
Hmm...probably I was tricked by God...or probably He just wanted me to say good bye easier...
7 more months...
Woke up at 430am to see my brother off to the airport and went back to sleep.
Went to church at 920am for the pre-service prayer meeting.
Went to 11am service.
Went for lunch around 130pm.
I think it must have been more than a month since I last came home so early on Sunday.
But the feeling I had after reaching home..the same feeling that I had many times after coming back from church even when I was still in Korea...I don't know how to describe it.
It's a big contrast to the super high feeling I have during service and while I'm with my church friends.
When I reached home I feel a bit down...don't know why.
The more I mix and mingle with my Cell friends the more I like them and the more I want to be here. Yet the more emotionally attached to this place I become the harder it will be for me to leave...
Leaving Korea wasn't that difficult to some certain extent because I thought I'd be back very soon...
Hmm...probably I was tricked by God...or probably He just wanted me to say good bye easier...
7 more months...
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Ice Breaker
In charge of Ice Breaker this week for cell.
Most of what I can think of are the games we played during our drinking and party sessions in Korea
Halelluyah
Mouse Catch
Run Horse
I am Grounded
Strawberry
But not sure whether it is suitable for cell environment and Malaysian culture. After all, these games aren't interesting without any penalty..^^
Most of what I can think of are the games we played during our drinking and party sessions in Korea
Halelluyah
Mouse Catch
Run Horse
I am Grounded
Strawberry
But not sure whether it is suitable for cell environment and Malaysian culture. After all, these games aren't interesting without any penalty..^^
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Rejecting Samsung's Interview Offer
Samsung called me on Thursday and asked me to go for an interview in Seremban on Friday.
Surprisingly and unlike my normal self, I didn't think too much about it. I just asked them to send me an email and I'll get back to them. Of course when I received the call I already had a rough answer in mind but I just waited to be sure of my decision.
If the offer had come last month, I would have gone down to Seremban, because when I submitted my application letter my previous company had internal issues and I suspected that I'd need to find a new company. Furthermore that was the time when my friend who was working in BASF told me she tried to get a release letter from BASF but failed. I was disturbed by all that was happening and wanted to get a release from the scholarship bond.
However after few weeks of wrestling and struggling with God, I've come to the conclusion of trusting in God for once and to wait upon Him.
Talking about waiting upon God, I am reminded about how when I first came back I was asking my Christian friends how do they know, when faced with a tough situation, whether God wants them to persevere and wait upon Him or regard it as a closed door and turn away?
In my situation I thought probably I should persevere and hope that things will be better for the company. But God caused the whole thing to stop. I couldn't do anything even if I wanted to because the decision making lies with the company's president. Now I realized that it was a closed door.
Probably because of this recent past event, God is telling me to trust in Him. If he wants me to work in the public sector He will send the offer to me. If He wants me to remain in the corporate world, the offer will not come. Simple as that.
I posted my likely action in Facebook, but surprisingly (I didn't know it until I replied Samsung, but even if I read it my action wouldn't have changed) all my friends asked me to just go for the interview first and think later. Of course because it was in FB I didn't give too much of my Spiritual walk explanation but instead provided some secular reasons.
What I think I did right was that I had another Christian brother to pray with me on Thrusday night. Of course even that brother asked me to go to the interview first. But since I already know that I will feel guilty (for not trusting in God) if I pass the interview and accept the offer, why bother to go in the first place?
Though the view was different but the important thing was that we prayed about it. And interestingly the night before a prophetic preacher was praying for me and telling me about discernment. And I think she mentioned something like taking the narrow path or something (need to listen to the content again). What more appropriate timing.
Anyway like what I wrote in my FB status the next day:
" Most of the time I write all the terms and conditions and asked God to sign and approve. Probably now is the time I sign first and ask God to write in the terms and conditions.."
Surprisingly and unlike my normal self, I didn't think too much about it. I just asked them to send me an email and I'll get back to them. Of course when I received the call I already had a rough answer in mind but I just waited to be sure of my decision.
If the offer had come last month, I would have gone down to Seremban, because when I submitted my application letter my previous company had internal issues and I suspected that I'd need to find a new company. Furthermore that was the time when my friend who was working in BASF told me she tried to get a release letter from BASF but failed. I was disturbed by all that was happening and wanted to get a release from the scholarship bond.
However after few weeks of wrestling and struggling with God, I've come to the conclusion of trusting in God for once and to wait upon Him.
Talking about waiting upon God, I am reminded about how when I first came back I was asking my Christian friends how do they know, when faced with a tough situation, whether God wants them to persevere and wait upon Him or regard it as a closed door and turn away?
In my situation I thought probably I should persevere and hope that things will be better for the company. But God caused the whole thing to stop. I couldn't do anything even if I wanted to because the decision making lies with the company's president. Now I realized that it was a closed door.
Probably because of this recent past event, God is telling me to trust in Him. If he wants me to work in the public sector He will send the offer to me. If He wants me to remain in the corporate world, the offer will not come. Simple as that.
I posted my likely action in Facebook, but surprisingly (I didn't know it until I replied Samsung, but even if I read it my action wouldn't have changed) all my friends asked me to just go for the interview first and think later. Of course because it was in FB I didn't give too much of my Spiritual walk explanation but instead provided some secular reasons.
What I think I did right was that I had another Christian brother to pray with me on Thrusday night. Of course even that brother asked me to go to the interview first. But since I already know that I will feel guilty (for not trusting in God) if I pass the interview and accept the offer, why bother to go in the first place?
Though the view was different but the important thing was that we prayed about it. And interestingly the night before a prophetic preacher was praying for me and telling me about discernment. And I think she mentioned something like taking the narrow path or something (need to listen to the content again). What more appropriate timing.
Anyway like what I wrote in my FB status the next day:
" Most of the time I write all the terms and conditions and asked God to sign and approve. Probably now is the time I sign first and ask God to write in the terms and conditions.."
Sunday, June 06, 2010
Surrendered Rest
Today's sermon was about Rest. I didn't make any notes so I can't remember the details of what was preached, but roughtly Ps Lee Choo mentioned that there are 3 types of rest:
1. Salvation Rest
2. Surrendered Rest
3. Sabbath Rest
Salvation Rest is the rest that we entered into when we believed in Christ.
Surrendered Rest is the rest that enters into us when we have faith in God's word and promises. This also means surrendering our selfs and judging between the promises of sins and the promises of God. She also mentioned that when are action are not in-tune with our believes, we will be restless. When we do something which we know is against our core believe we will have no rest.
Before starting work with BASF I was still restless thinking of trying to ask for a support letter to get rid of my jpa bond. I was also reminded how I was restless sending my resumes to a few Korean companies few weeks ago after chatting with my friend who's also working there. But after I decided to just wait and let God make the decision I sort of found the peace that I was lacking for the past few weeks.
I'm reminded of the analogy of how we as Christians always like to fill in the check or agreement and ask God to sign it, rather than signing it and asking God to fill it with whatever he wants.
I still think that getting rid of the jpa bond isn't that hard. But I might feel guilty years later own, because I don't fully know what God's plan is. I got rid of the bond base on my own decision and action.
However if I wait for the outcome from God, I'll have peace knowing that it's not something I chose for myself but something God wanted me to do. And in being sure that I'm walking in accordance with His will I'll can find comfort and claim His promises when I face trials and difficulties.
1. Salvation Rest
2. Surrendered Rest
3. Sabbath Rest
Salvation Rest is the rest that we entered into when we believed in Christ.
Surrendered Rest is the rest that enters into us when we have faith in God's word and promises. This also means surrendering our selfs and judging between the promises of sins and the promises of God. She also mentioned that when are action are not in-tune with our believes, we will be restless. When we do something which we know is against our core believe we will have no rest.
Before starting work with BASF I was still restless thinking of trying to ask for a support letter to get rid of my jpa bond. I was also reminded how I was restless sending my resumes to a few Korean companies few weeks ago after chatting with my friend who's also working there. But after I decided to just wait and let God make the decision I sort of found the peace that I was lacking for the past few weeks.
I'm reminded of the analogy of how we as Christians always like to fill in the check or agreement and ask God to sign it, rather than signing it and asking God to fill it with whatever he wants.
I still think that getting rid of the jpa bond isn't that hard. But I might feel guilty years later own, because I don't fully know what God's plan is. I got rid of the bond base on my own decision and action.
However if I wait for the outcome from God, I'll have peace knowing that it's not something I chose for myself but something God wanted me to do. And in being sure that I'm walking in accordance with His will I'll can find comfort and claim His promises when I face trials and difficulties.
Psalms 84
One of my friend from cell sent me this passage the night before my first official job after graduating.
I don't know why he chose this psalm out of all the 150 psalms, but was touched by how thoughtful he was. "May you turn the valley into springs of living water." Thanks, and by God's grace will try to do that.
Psalm 84
For the director of music. According to gittith. Of the Sons of Korah. A psalm.
1 How lovely is your dwelling-place, O LORD Almighty.
2 My soul yearns, even faints, for the courts of the LORD; my heart and my flesh cry out for the living God.
3Even the sparrow has found a home, and the swallow a nest for herself, where she may have her young— a place near your altar, O LORD Almighty, my King and my God.
4 Blessed are those who dwell in your house; they are ever praising you.
5Blessed are those whose strength is in you, who have set their hearts on pilgrimage.
6 As they pass through the Valley of Baca, they make it a place of springs; the autumn rains also cover it with pools.
7 They go from strength to strength, till each appears before God in Zion.
8Hear my prayer, O LORD God Almighty; listen to me, O God of Jacob.
9 Look upon our shield, O God; look with favour on your anointed one.
10Better is one day in yourcourtsthan a thousand elsewhere; I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God than dwell in the tents of the wicked.
11 For the LORD God is a sun and shield; the LORD bestows favour and honour; no good thing does hewithholdfrom those whose walk is blameless.
12O LORD Almighty, blessed is the man who trusts in you
I don't know why he chose this psalm out of all the 150 psalms, but was touched by how thoughtful he was. "May you turn the valley into springs of living water." Thanks, and by God's grace will try to do that.
Psalm 84
For the director of music. According to gittith. Of the Sons of Korah. A psalm.
1 How lovely is your dwelling-place, O LORD Almighty.
2 My soul yearns, even faints, for the courts of the LORD; my heart and my flesh cry out for the living God.
3Even the sparrow has found a home, and the swallow a nest for herself, where she may have her young— a place near your altar, O LORD Almighty, my King and my God.
4 Blessed are those who dwell in your house; they are ever praising you.
5Blessed are those whose strength is in you, who have set their hearts on pilgrimage.
6 As they pass through the Valley of Baca, they make it a place of springs; the autumn rains also cover it with pools.
7 They go from strength to strength, till each appears before God in Zion.
8Hear my prayer, O LORD God Almighty; listen to me, O God of Jacob.
9 Look upon our shield, O God; look with favour on your anointed one.
10Better is one day in yourcourtsthan a thousand elsewhere; I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God than dwell in the tents of the wicked.
11 For the LORD God is a sun and shield; the LORD bestows favour and honour; no good thing does hewithholdfrom those whose walk is blameless.
12O LORD Almighty, blessed is the man who trusts in you
Monday, May 31, 2010
Time of Training & Equipping
Last night again as I was complaining to my cell friends that I don't know what my purpose being here in Malaysia is, he said that probably this is a time of training. And I replied saying that that's what I would like to believe, that God is training and equipping me.
Today I attended my first Kairos course.
Since beginning of this year when I knew that there was a Youth Kairos coming up in June I was eager to attend it. But unfortunately with my work starting this coming Tuesday I'd not be able to attend it. However I signed up for another Kairos course in Wesley Methodist Church which is conducted during the weekend for 3.5 weeks.
Well, if I choose to believe that this is a time of training, then I should make use of every opportunity to learn and equip myself. My church has many course that I can take and recently when I was having lunch with my friend who's working at St. Mary's Anglican Cathedral I got to know that there are a few open education courses that I can take as well.
Thus I will make use of my time this year to learn as much as I can because:
1. If I'm called by JPA end of the year I don't know where they'll post me.
2. If I continue to work with BASF I might want to go into engineering related field which is in the ulu area.
"Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. 1 Peter 5:8 "
Today I attended my first Kairos course.
Since beginning of this year when I knew that there was a Youth Kairos coming up in June I was eager to attend it. But unfortunately with my work starting this coming Tuesday I'd not be able to attend it. However I signed up for another Kairos course in Wesley Methodist Church which is conducted during the weekend for 3.5 weeks.
Well, if I choose to believe that this is a time of training, then I should make use of every opportunity to learn and equip myself. My church has many course that I can take and recently when I was having lunch with my friend who's working at St. Mary's Anglican Cathedral I got to know that there are a few open education courses that I can take as well.
Thus I will make use of my time this year to learn as much as I can because:
1. If I'm called by JPA end of the year I don't know where they'll post me.
2. If I continue to work with BASF I might want to go into engineering related field which is in the ulu area.
"Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. 1 Peter 5:8 "
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Life Purpose Revisited
Lately I had the chance to ponder again on my life's purpose.
Was telling my friend just now as he was sending me back that I thought I found my purpose when I was back in Korea. And I thought God wanted me to come back that's why I'm here. But it seems that after coming back I've lost my purpose. So did I really find my purpose in the first place?
Probably I'm a little disillusioned by all the uncertainties that I'm facing.
But last night as I was attending Dr. Rody's conference, he mentioned that there's a difference between "interest" and "passion". He goes on the explain that "interest" is related more to our intelectual aspect while "passion" is strongly connected with our emosion.
I've always said that it's hard for me to make decision because I'm interested in so many things. But come to think of it, what am I passionate about?
While I was still in uni, I wanted to be involved with missionary work, probably full time, but more as a tentmaker. And I thought that was my calling or purpose.
Come back to think of it, the reason I worked part time with the Korean company was with the hope that the business will be suceesful and I can raise fund for mission work. I've been looking forward to this during the last year of my uni life but when the business stopped abruptly after 2 months of my graduation, I lost my direction.
That was when I began to ponder whether I should get rid of my JPA bond or wait for them to call me back and work for the government. I was undecisive over this matter because though the pay in the public sector is not high, it is a place where I can try to make a difference. The thought of getting rid of the bond so that I can remain in the private sector which offers me a higher pay also crossed my mind. I was also weighing the pros and cons of staying in this two different sector in the long run, i.e till I retire, taking into calculation EPF and pension plan.
What I missed when making these calculation is my life's purpose and my calling. My interest in changing the public sector and making it more productive and efficient blurred me from my passion- making a change in people's life, especially for those who are in need in China and Middle East.
If I go into the public sector, it's not impossible but it'll be hard for me to go to China or Middle East. Of course if God wants me to be in the government sector first I'm sure He'll provide a way, or I can change career later on after a few years.
But what is more intellectually sound is to remain in the private sector and seek opportunities to work in those countries. Or getting another Master qualification before going there.
-Time will Tell-
Was telling my friend just now as he was sending me back that I thought I found my purpose when I was back in Korea. And I thought God wanted me to come back that's why I'm here. But it seems that after coming back I've lost my purpose. So did I really find my purpose in the first place?
Probably I'm a little disillusioned by all the uncertainties that I'm facing.
But last night as I was attending Dr. Rody's conference, he mentioned that there's a difference between "interest" and "passion". He goes on the explain that "interest" is related more to our intelectual aspect while "passion" is strongly connected with our emosion.
I've always said that it's hard for me to make decision because I'm interested in so many things. But come to think of it, what am I passionate about?
While I was still in uni, I wanted to be involved with missionary work, probably full time, but more as a tentmaker. And I thought that was my calling or purpose.
Come back to think of it, the reason I worked part time with the Korean company was with the hope that the business will be suceesful and I can raise fund for mission work. I've been looking forward to this during the last year of my uni life but when the business stopped abruptly after 2 months of my graduation, I lost my direction.
That was when I began to ponder whether I should get rid of my JPA bond or wait for them to call me back and work for the government. I was undecisive over this matter because though the pay in the public sector is not high, it is a place where I can try to make a difference. The thought of getting rid of the bond so that I can remain in the private sector which offers me a higher pay also crossed my mind. I was also weighing the pros and cons of staying in this two different sector in the long run, i.e till I retire, taking into calculation EPF and pension plan.
What I missed when making these calculation is my life's purpose and my calling. My interest in changing the public sector and making it more productive and efficient blurred me from my passion- making a change in people's life, especially for those who are in need in China and Middle East.
If I go into the public sector, it's not impossible but it'll be hard for me to go to China or Middle East. Of course if God wants me to be in the government sector first I'm sure He'll provide a way, or I can change career later on after a few years.
But what is more intellectually sound is to remain in the private sector and seek opportunities to work in those countries. Or getting another Master qualification before going there.
-Time will Tell-
FIREWALL
Attended the family conference: "FIREWALL Your Family" by Dr. Rodi. Initially I thought it was just about parenting and other topics more suitable for married adults, but it turned out to be quite helpful for me as well.
It spoke on self esteem, addiction, and ways to overcome them.
But as I was helping out as a crew so was a little busy setting up the place, preparing tea break & lunch, clearing the place etc.
Just to list a few interesting notes:
1. When we are easily tempted:
Bored
Lonely
Anxious, Angry
Stressed
Tired
2. Accountability
4 X Friends
4 X Weeks
4 X (can't remember)
4 X Plans
3. Internet Accountability Software
http://www.x3watch.com/
It spoke on self esteem, addiction, and ways to overcome them.
But as I was helping out as a crew so was a little busy setting up the place, preparing tea break & lunch, clearing the place etc.
Just to list a few interesting notes:
1. When we are easily tempted:
Bored
Lonely
Anxious, Angry
Stressed
Tired
2. Accountability
4 X Friends
4 X Weeks
4 X (can't remember)
4 X Plans
3. Internet Accountability Software
http://www.x3watch.com/
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